this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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