I wanna bring you to show and tell
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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