I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
