I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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