"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
