is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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