I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
