THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
