I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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