wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
