At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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