Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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