Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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