Pappa wants mamma naked
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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