i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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