R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
