That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
