somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
