So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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