What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
