i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
