Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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