kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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