I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
