you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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