If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
