remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sarcasm needs its own font
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
