I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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