I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
