Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
