you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
