its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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