Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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