Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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