Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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