i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
