Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
