my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
