I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
