my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
