I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
