Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
