Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
