Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
