She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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