i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
