just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
