This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
