i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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