whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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