the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
