I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
