I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
