smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
