If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
